Life and Death

Sick of life, andnow looking at the wonders of death.
At least in death, there will be peace and calm.
No more of this in death.

Emotional Intimacy

So there I am sitting on the train, reading on the paper, and I come across this very intersting article.

It just goes on about emotional intimacy.

Now for those who dont know, emotional intimacy is the notion of someone knowing you really well in a very short period of time. They will know you better than most other people, no matter how close they are/were to you.

So is it possible to have a relationship with this 'emotional intimacy'? Of course! We define our own relationships. We choose whether or not to enter relationships ourselves. There is no set guide or criteria to fill. We each have our own set of criteria.

Is it possible to have a deep, meaningful, long-term relationship without this emotional intimacy? Of course. Again, we choose our own relationships and their course.

So what happens when you're in this relationship. You're married, been together for aaages. You share the same interests, friends, music, moveis, etc. He knows you. But does he GET you??? Do you feel lonely when you're with him? Is this all really in your head???

So along comes this guy. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who just wants to know everything about you. Someone who you just want to tell everything. Someone who listens to you as though they're going to get examined on it. Someone who has opinions. Someone who understands. Someone who can empathise with you. Someone who offers you what you lack. Emoitonal intimacy.

It's fine to be intimate physically with a person. Its quite another to be intimate emotionally. Can you 2 emotionally connect with each other?

So time goes on, and you find it harder and harder to stay away from this new guy. This guy who offers you emotional intimacy. How can someone offer you something so rare? How do you repay him? Through physical intimacy?

So what now? Who do you choose? The one who you're in the dead-end relationship with? Or the one that offers you this rare chance? Who's to say the first guy couldn't form this 'emotional intimacy' with you?

Choose the first guy and you'll be distant. You'll agonise at having lost such a special connection. You may even resent him at being in the way between you and the second guy.

So ask yourself. Do you have this emotional intimacy? With anyone? Someone who has gotten to know you better than some of your oldest friends in a short period of time?





I just want to become what you want.

The True Meaning of SES

So here we are again.
No longer a teen.
One would feel as though I'd be mature by now...
I'll let you decide on that one.

Would like to personally thank everyone for coming to the party!
You have all made the night one to remember.
And there we have it, you have all helped create a memory.

Now, creating a memory is not an easy feat. I'm not talking about those memories that you will remember for like a week. I'm talking about memories that will last a lifetime. One that you will always be able to look back upon, and it will always bring a smile to your face.

Creating these memories is not easy.
Yet, I'd like to think that I have definitely created some of these memories for some very special people already. You know who you are.

And looking back at all these memories I have created, there seems to definitely be one common feature.

SES.

Simple. Easy. Special.

Being able to do something for someone else. Something that they want to do. Not something that they need to do, but something that they want to do. Something that they have always wanted to do. Making their dreams, their wishes, a reality.

But it doesn't stop there.

You have to be able to these things without asking for anything in return. Without expecting anything in return. Don't do it because you expect them to fall in love with you for doing it. Don't do it because you want them to reciprocate your feelings. Don't do it because you feel as though you owe them. Don't do it because you want them to do you a favour.

Do it simply because it is something that they want to do. Simply because you are making another person's wishes, their dreams, come true. Be happy knowing that you are able to make someone else happy. That you are able to bring a smile to their face.

Do it unconditionally.

Whatever it is you do, keep them simple. Keep them easy. And trust me, it will be special. You will be special.

Now just take a step back. Look back at some of the moments you do remember. Memories you wil hold on to forever and ever. I assure you that those memories weren't extravagant. They weren't elaborate. They were just simple and easy things to do. What made them so special is that someone else were willing to do those things for you.

You now know that there is someone out there who really does just want you to be happy.

Someone who wants to make your innermost wishes, dreams, desires, a reality.




The next time someone takes you home, to your door. Just think.
Who's going to mean more to you?
Who will you remember?
Will it be the guy who drove you home in his nice fancy car?
Or will it be the guy who caught the train with you?
The one who took the time out of his life to be with you. To make sure you were safe. To make sure you would have company on the long trip home. Not because they wanted company, but because they knew YOU wanted company.

Will it be the one with the car. Where the 2 of you can get more close. More intimate. Where the car just made life so much simpler. So much more convenient.

Or will it be the guy on the train/nightride. Where as much inconvenience it would cause to them, they would still be the one to take you home. No matter how out of the way it would be. No matter how much time they would take getting back to their own home.

So there we have it. Convenience or a chance to create a memory. Car or train.




So there we have it.
If it ever makes you wonder why 30+ people wanted to show up at my birthday dinner despite the exams and all. And why others struggle to get 10 people to show up to their birthday dinner even when they are shouting.
Perhaps it's because some people are able to put others ahead of themselves. Time and again. Never asking for anything in return.

You guys don't owe me anything.

In Another Life - The Veronicas
I have known you my whole life
When you were ten, you said you'd make me your wife
Eight years later you won me over
Just as I took the world on my shoulders

I got used to living without you
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you
Always said that you were my man to be
But I guess I was in love with your memory

You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life

I know I said that I would keep my word
I wished that I could save you from the hurt
But things will never go back to how we were
I'm sorry I can't be your world

You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life (another life)

The way you're holding on to me
Makes me feel like I can't breathe
Just let me go, just let me go
It just won't feel right inside
God knows I've tried

You know I love you, you know I do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life, in another life
In another life ...

Love - A game?

Well maybe I've been studying Finance a bit too much lately, but have you ever compared the sharemarket and the game of love?

Look at current investors, having invested all their money into the sharemarket, they're now left with like next to nothing. The sharemarket has crashed, and their investments are now diminshed. Gone.

Look at me. Having invested so much in her, what am I left with now?

But I guess that'sthe chance we all have to take. Risk, uncertainty - they're all fundamental to the sharemarket, just as they are to the game of love.

If we never invest in the sharmarket, we'll miss out on many opportunities. And of course we may lose some money, but by investing, it also gives us the chance to profit from favourable movements in the market.

Just as in love, if we never take the plunge, we will miss out on opportunities. The opportunity to find someone, to find your significant other. The opportunity to feel loved, to be loved. The opportunity to know that you can instil your trust in someone else, and know that they can instil their trust in you. All these opportunities will go begging if you never take the chance and invest. Of course, things may not go as you planned, but at least you know you've tried. That at least you were willing to put it all on the line for love ~ whatever that may mean.

Remember, risk/chance/uncertainty are all elements of life. Sometimes, we just have to be willing to put it out there, to put our money, our hearts, in certain circumstances, certain places, which are out of our control. Sometimes, we just have to let go, and follow it, wherever it may lead. Because maybe, just maybe, the outcome just may be favourable. We may just make a profit. We may just be able to find the one. Our soulmate. Love.

Never let what has happened in the past deter you from investing. Sure you may have made some losses in the past, you may have been emotionally hurt, but the good times are just around the corner. The sharemarket will bounce back, stronger than before. You just have to believe in it. To have confidence in it. It may not happen tomorrow. It may not happen next month. It may not happen by next year. But sometime in the future, the sharemarket will bounce back, and once again, we will all be able to profit from it again. Once again, we can experience some favourable outcomes. Once again, we will be able to love and be loved.

Give up on the market and you will give up on all this. The chance for a happier life. A better life. Something wonderful. Something great. Something beautiful.

Don't let these chances pass by, cause one they go, they're gone forever.

Live a life without regrets, invest now! (Actually hold off a few months before investing in the sharemarket. I expect the downward trend to continue for a few months. Expect a small pickup around December-January).

So I hope this explains a few more things to you. Hopefully, it's revealed a bit more of me to you.

Comments welcome!

What I Look For

PLEASE DO NOT SPREAD THIS!!!!

Ok, so after a really long convo, I finally decided to do this
To list out some of the characteristics that I look for in a girl
Please leave comments (or msn me) and I'll try to keep updating this (in case there are certain aspects that you want to know that I haven't written about)

So first,
I think alot of people have gotme figured out wrong.
In fact, I think that to really get to know me, you do have to date me and find out. To really find out where my boundaries lie.

So first, my ideal person would let me into their lives. Into all aspects of their lives (though not so much their work lives given the whole office relationship sorta thing). I want to be involved. To be the one they ask for help with their assessments. To be the one they ask for help when they have family issues. To be the one they ask for help when they have money issues. To be the one they ask for help when they just need help.

To be the one to take them home. To be one of the people they call just for the sake of chatting. To be one of the people they just want to be around. To be the one to look over them, to look after them when they're intoxicated, high, whatever (just in a state where they aren't thinking straight). To be the one standing next to them as they're hovering over the toilet spewing out what they had for dinner last night.

However, I do not want to be around them all the time. I would still want us to have some alone time. Some time where we could each go see other friends, to catch up with other people. For example, in a week, I would want to be with them, just hanging out, say 2 days of the week. I mean, I'm very happy with how much I see a certain person: Mon-Wed = Uni (dont see each other); Thurs - Fri = Work (See each other, but in an work environment, so that you're not actually with each other); and then just one day of the weekend where it really is just me and her. This is ideal for me. And without working together, then another day together would be ideal.

Just to further extend upon this, let's take a look at how we would be at parties. I'd imagine that for the first hour, we'd be together, hand in hand, side by side. Then for the next 4 hours or whatever, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't mind if we each went our separate ways to meet new people, catch up with others, whatever. But then in the final hour, I'd always imagine that we'd come back to each other, and once again, we'd be hand in hand, side by side.

Am I asking for too much?

And now onto something that I think alot of people have got me figured out totally wrong. It's about how forgiving and liberal I am. So let's start! We'll only be considering 3 things: kissing, dating others, and sex.

Whilst she's intoxicated, I wouldn't mind either kissing or sex. I'd forgive her. I'd forgive her for the first time on sex. And with kissing, I'd keep forgiving her. (As for dating, who actually agrees to dates whilst intoxicated???)

Whilst we've fallen apart (not in sync/major fight), I'd forgive her for the 1st and 2nd dates, though by the third time, its a bit if-fy, and fourth time, that would definitely be it. I'd forgive her for kissing others. And I'd forgive her for having sex with another person, one, two times, and again by the third time, I'd get a bit if-fy.

Whilst she's thinking straight, I'd forgive her if others initiated the kiss (though I'd ask her to stop), I'd forgive her for intiating the kiss with others (but first time only). I'd forgive her for having sex (for one time only). And I'd forgive her for going on a date with someone else (though it would raise some serious questions).

So there you have it. I think I'm pretty liberal on alot of things. Alot more liberal than other guys I know.

I'd like to think that I'm a very adaptable person. Changing myself to whatever it is she wanted from me. I also think that I'm a person who'd fight for the relationship. No matter how bad it gets. And I think that the only reason I would break up with a person, would be if it was mutual.

I'd also give most people a chance if they wanted. They only have to show me. But this would only apply once I get over ******. Because until then, I wouldn't be giving them a fair chance. Because until then, I'd still be putting ****** ahead of others. And until then, I am on a dating ban.

Sorry girls, but this is one complicated guy. But hopefully, you'd be willing to give this guy a chance. Who knows, it may just be one of the best things to happen to you. ^^

Please leave messages and comments. Especially if there's more you want to know about me!


PS. Please refer to Nat's blog http://natalieeee.blogspot.com/ for some really nice lyrics. Fall For You!!! ^^

bball day :D

got up
go to train station
get on train
train stops at erskineville for really long time, me thinks someone fell down the gap
got to redfern
finds out law and long waited for me how nice ~ ended up catchin the express to school

double maths first up
we are way ahead, maybe too ahead, but me no complains, cause i'm like pretty much up to date

then recess
did nothing special

then eng
very boring did same questions as yesterday
got assessment sheet thing

then legal
chenny sits back with us, tried to read a sheet but billy was being very annoying...making sounds with his highlighter

then lunch
nothing special again

then eco
got back assessments
got ok, but would've wanted higher (wouldn't everybody)
me thinks ireland has something against (always gives me crap marks, whether in eco or geo) or maybe i'm just crap

then me stays behind for bball with wally, sheila, archy, long, alv, zhou, matt
plays a game 4v3 cause some joseph guy came along
then plays free throws with archy, then long and zhou came to join after
me gets 20 outta lyk 60 :D still better than archy though :D
corner shop ~ drinks
then goes to redfern
goes onto long's train ~ too crowded ~ doesn't go on
goes back to my train
long gets off at sydenham ~ we finds out how bad archy's eyesight really is
then i start punching archy for no reason, then some weird guy sees us, starts talking to us, but me no listen
then home :D

me feet hurts. someone gimme a foot massage :D:D:D pleeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeee
also me finds out ext jap people has a pd6 and 7 today...long day for them i guess

weddings are fun, unless you sit in the back where nothing happens, and on your table are a bunch of weirdos, but its fun when it time to dance and you get paired up with people you don't know, and you become friends with them coz friends are kool! can't live without them

King's Krazy Question: (New section where i just ask a weird out of nowhere question) The question is: you are in hospital, you find out you got an illness, and you're gonna die in 24 hours. you are confined to the hospital as you can barely move, but you can talk and write. what would you say to your grilfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife?

(next question prolli in a week or so~ or next time i blog)

laterz prisonbreak is on

Happy B'Day Evri1!!! I Lyk Cake! I M Good Seller

long time no post...:D so here's another long one

uhhh da bicentennial day....don't really remember much from that day, except long told me to bring my wickets, he brought his bat. The bat got confiscated becasue i guess they thought he was going to start a riot. so now long has a criminal record! but i don't cause i neva got caught! :D

uhmm...played cricket, using the stumps (the sticks on the wicket) as a bat, broke it! then joined some other kid's game, pwnd them! played soccer cricket (kinda like cricket except with soccer ball, and u kick it!) then just threw a ball around, long kept throwing it onto the roof of the gazebo? (iono where people sit down). then some parachuters landed near us, then we went to macca's for food, coz me and long didnt eat anything! then we wotched some dirtbike thing, i fink some guy did a 360? or was it 720? pfft who cares i forget!

law's place
penrith is extremely far!!!! seriously!!! the distance is overwhelming!!! bummed around in the westfield place alot, went bowling (my first time, and i got 10 gutter balls in a row, and a strike!!!). then went law's place, ray and law sang, law seemed to just give up eventually. not much sleeping, ray was being weird, ended up wrapping himself in blankets...so he looked like a mermaid! (confused, i kno, u should b)

meet up wif yaa people
had tutor, left to go join the movie the yaa people they were watching, remember i joined in at like halfway of brokeback mountain. that movie is very boring not good at all!!! kept staring at people throughout the thing. on my way in, was trying to find outwhere they were sitting, and i think i actualli sat on someone, or was it their bag, but eventually heard my name being yelled out by karyne, and took the seat next to her, which was right on the other side of the guys! but it was alright, coz karyne didn't like the movie either. so after the movie, they all left, and i met up wif long and billy, played pool den home? i fink

speech day
speech day is boring!!! kept calling people on my phone, eg. harry and chris coz they were downstairs and we were on the balcony!! :D kept doing that to chris, even wehen he went up to get his award we called him :D:D:D!!! we can be so mean!

afta that, we went galaxy, played alot of pool!!! archy is very good!!! then lunch, then house of the dead and pool again. then went down to the other galaxy, by now it was just me, long, wally and law. played the basketball, played it 3 times, and beat long on all 3 occasions, evn on the last time, when my balls didn't come down with 5 secs remaining, and another time when i beat him by 1pt!!! but wally pwnd us all!

uhmmm....dun realli remeber other days, so we'll go straight to today! :D

legal, separateed ourselves from chenny coz billy found him to be too annoying! but i fink he got very pissed! then eng, did some questions all lesson (eng is such a bludge, no wonder im gonna fail it! somebody help me!!! if tempest, frontline, in the skin of a lion or pardoner's tale/simple plan is one of your texts, plz tell me!!!!!!) uhmmm...den it was recess, played some handball, got the paper, i stole one :D then it was maths, derived a few equations, man we are so ahead! we're halfway through conics! uhmm...den physincs, got moved to lk2, didn't do anything, or at least i didn't coz im dropping it in case you did't know! then it was accounting, got very boring especially since the teacher stayed at the back, helping like just 2-3 people the whole time, so much that we couldn't move on, coz no-one knew what to do!!! o also got cake today, supposedly coconut cake made by donna! very yummy!!! should've prolli gone to get some more, but had to rush to accounting!

so ye long day, back to school, hsc time, nobody fail (but we will anyway). uhmmm...have fun at the wedding donna! someone bring chocolate tomorrow me wants to buy! laterz!!!

King's Krazy Question: (New section where i just ask a weird out of nowhere question) The question is: you are in hospital, you find out you got an illness, and you're gonna die in 24 hours. you are confined to the hospital as you can barely move, but you can talk and write. what would you say to your grilfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife?